7 Things I Want To Share When You Ask About My Current Thoughts
Today was one of those days when work kept me on my toes, and I was dead tired by the end of it.
(Brief about my day; I cooked really good Daal Chawal, wrote two 1500-word blogs, and cleaned a freaking messy cupboard with my mother. I tried walking for an hour in the evening too. Don’t judge if you did more. dat was a lot for me, lol.)
Anyhow, tried sleeping, but even though I only slept for three or four hours last night, I still couldn’t sleep, lol. Insomniacs would relate.
You know, winter nights just hit different – slow and contemplative. So, to hush the chaos in my mind I did what any half-sane person would do – I started penning down my thoughts.
So, Here you go!
- I’ve been feeling weird about the fact that I’m almost done with my teenage years. Life has never been fun and games for a person like me, but the future seems a little more serious for some reason, lol. Maybe I’m ruminating on it a lot. Otherwise, life is going as normal.
- A while ago, I was scrolling through my last year’s journal and observed a pattern. I ranted a little more last year because of so many things, but one recurring theme was feeling disappointed, and most of the time, it was with myself.
They say that you can only trust what people do, not simply what they say. It’s the same with ourselves: At times, we create fantasies about the reality we desire, only to find that we’re living a different one.
For example, I used to tell my friends that I’m an indoor person. I don’t really like going out, and at most, I’d prefer to eat out once a month, and that’s about it. To some extent, it is partially true; I hate chaos. However, in the last 6 months, I realized that my heart seeks people. I find it super fun to go out, meet people, make new friends, talk to strangers, and just sit and observe.
Similarly, I used to say that I don’t get bored of places. If a place is my favorite, I’d visit it a million times over, but no, I do get bored. I can’t visit one place many times. I’m drawn to newness. I’m weird that way. - The other day I was reading about the importance of focusing on your Revealed Preferences—the things that you end up choosing to do (consciously or subconsciously) and then getting comfortable with the intimacies you choose.
So, now that it’s very visible that I like my extrovertedness, I don’t have to sacrifice who I am for who I thought I had to be, aka the soft indoor girl, lol. - Multan, the small city I’ve lived in all my life, hasn’t seen many changes. Neither the weather nor the routine exhibits much unpredictability. Whereas, I deeply long for the opposite: big city chaos, more diversity, cool minds, and uncomfortable moments.
So, I’m thinking of exploring at least two big cities this year, perhaps Lahore and Islamabad. Fingers crossed. - I read Ribbonfarm a lot, and in one of the blogs, Venkatesh says, ‘Don’t surround yourself with “smarter” people. The trick is to surround yourself with people who are free in ways you’re not.’
So, now the plan for this year is to put my sapiosexual self aside and focus on finding people who are playing just a slightly different game than me. People who dare me to grow and sometimes make me feel shameful and uninformed.
I mean, even in the past, many individuals changed how I do things. Dude, I’m literally less neurotic and anxious yet more calm just in sometime of daily talking to this beautiful person. This other friend taught me to appreciate more and complain less. - I’m hating the “Maybe-z” of life these days, and I feel like life is too short to be ambivalent about people and things that you want. There’s a song called ‘Dark Horse’ by Katy Perry. I’m sure everyone has streamed it once in their life.
It says, ‘It’s in the palm of your hand now, baby
It’s a yes or a no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me.’
The song must be in a romantic context but I’d like myself to be clear about everything I choose to invest my time in, just how Katy wants her lover to be. Like if I don’t think I’ll be able to deliver a project to my client because of any reason, I wouldn’t manipulate myself into believing that I’d do it and spend so much mental energy worrying about it. If it makes sense… - The craziest things I did last year included:
Asking my parents if I could have a cigarette just to taste it. Surprisingly, they allowed it, and I’ll save the full story for another day, lol.
Sitting with a Khuwajasara outside an ice cream stall on the footpath and engaging in a conversation where they shared their life and difficulties. I genuinely enjoyed the interaction.
Falling extremely sick for a week, practically on my deathbed, lol. (My mother took care of me, and I owe literally everything to her.)
There’s another one that I wouldn’t like to disclose, lol.
Anyhow, they might not sound that crazy to some people, but for me? Duh, I loved how brave I am. I’m looking forward to some more crazy things this year (with good health ofc, lol).
